Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...
I'm sad, and I'm tired, and I'm stressed.
[retches]
- Take a frickin' break. - I can't, Jo. I cannot.
I just need to finish my book this week.
I am so close to being done.
I was diagnosed... Social anxiety disorder.
Doesn't that just mean you're shy?
Debilitatingly shy.
I thought that we weren't getting emotional.
Well, then we should've thought about that
before you stuck your funky love cruffin inside of my pastry box.
What you really want is an audience
for your fabulous life.
So you should just go get that
because that sure as hell isn't me.
It seems like we're done here.
- Charlene... she left me. - Wait. What?
For that goddamn German tennis pro.
Because I love you.
I only want to be with you too.
What about you and Gordon?
I'm sick and tired of playing along
with this perfect-wedding crap.
This whole thing has just been a crock
since you started screwing Albert.
If you're gonna marry anybody, I want it to be me.
- I'm sorry, Albert. - Don't diminish this.
Albert, be reasonable.
You're telling me that I'm never gonna have this again?
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm telling you.
Go, run off to a new city,
but you're still gonna want your freedom
because that's who you are.
You should seriously reconsider being a part
of my wedding.
_
[both speaking indistinctly]
[gasps]
♪ Here comes the bride ♪
- Thank you for this, Phoebe. - Oh, are you kidding?
I love that you guys aren't seeing each other
until the ceremony.
It's so... deliriously romantic.
Does my milk bath await?
She's been like this all morning.
That's enough. I just want to get married.
Aww.
Have you told Phoebe about the great apartment
- we found in New York? - I don't want to hear it.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
Phoebe, you would die.
It's this amazing Tribeca loft. It overlooks the Hudson.
- Oh, my God. - It's to die.
Oh, God. It's work again.
Somebody hasn't been back to pick up her files.
Honestly, I know why she's avoiding it.
You hate saying good-byes.
[laughs]
Well, work calls.
Say hi to Abby and Jo for me tonight.
Abby's...
She's got a...
Abby is so... she's so busy.
- She's got a deadline. - She's got so much work to do.
Whatever.
Whatever. Come here.
I love you, okay? I love you.
- I love you. - Thank you.
Bye. Yes, you're welcome.
- Bye. - Bye.
Was I not supposed to say anything?
- It's okay. - Sorry.
I'll give you a pass, but listen...
no more Abby talk, okay?
- Don't know who she is. - Yeah.
[mellow electronic music]
♪ ♪
Sorry. I'm... I'm... I'm using this.
[table scraping loudly]
[groans]
Thank you.
[cell phone vibrating, tablet ringing]
Yikes.
It looks like "A Beautiful Mind" up in here.
Hey, did you get that copy I sent you?
I did. That's why I've been calling.
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you.
I just... All over the place,
but guess who's almost done with her book.
Me!
My deadline's in two days, but just one quick revision pass
and I think I can send it in.
And the kids are at school.
So, once the book is off my plate,
I am all about SheShe all the time.
All right, well, I had some notes and thoughts.
Should I just email them to you?
Um, that would be fab. I'm just a multitasking mama.
And I sent you an article.
There's definitely a piece in it.
You know the whole "can a woman have it all" conundrum?
[groans] I hate that conundrum.
Well, you're not alone.
There's a new survey that just came out,
and it says today's woman can't even think about having it all.
She's just worried about doing the shit she needs to do
without losing it.
You know, she's worried about cracking up.
Answer...
carbonated caffeine. [can opens]
Oh, yes.
Actually, ma'am, you've been here since we opened,
and you haven't purchased anything yet.
Okay, well, you know what?
We're gonna have two coffees, one of which will be to-go.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
So I thought you might be able to relate...
to the study.
Oh, my God, yeah.
And I'm sorry that I've been all over the place,
but Jake comes back from Latvia tomorrow,
and then he's taking the kids,
and then I can finally get this off my plate,
do all those changes, and I can think about the next piece.
All right, well, have you called Delia?
'Cause you all need to make up before her big day.
I think I'm gonna sit that one out... the wedding.
Sit it out? You're a bridesmaid.
Yes, but I, uh... I actually meant what I said,
and Delia made it pretty clear
that she didn't want me there, so...
And I make it pretty clear that I think my sister
is a thirsty ho for stealing my husband,
but I'd still like an apology.
[pop music]
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --
[indistinct chatter]
What?
I thought that Alex was coming in this morning.
Mm, nope. Change of plans.
[dishes clanging]
Is there a problem?
Yeah, there is, actually.
It's about respect.
I'm fed up with cleaning up after customers.
That's Alex's job.
My job is very specific.
I'm here for one thing and for one thing only.
- Screw people? - Bake.
Oh.
You care to explain why you're acting like such
a bloody clam shiner?
I don't know what you mean...
literally.
Jo, you've hardly even looked at me this morning.
Okay.
I don't have time for games.
I'm here to do my job.
Part of being a professional is leaving your feelings
at the door.
Right, 'cause that's clearly what you're doing right now.
[can opens]
Oh, my God.
[whimpers]
Don't look at me like that.
[sighs]
[cell phone vibrating, ringing]
_
[line trilling]
[sighs]
[cell phone vibrating, ringing]
This is Abby. Leave a message.
- [beep] - Still no answer.
Um...
I really struggled making this call,
but, Abby, on behalf of Delia,
she is getting married tomorrow.
On... on behalf of me, I'm just...
I'm so disappointed in you.
The Abby I know would never disappear
on a friend like this.
All right. Bye.
I'm so disappointed in you.
The Abby I know would never disappear
on a friend like this.
All right. Bye.
End of messages.
[cell phone beeps]
[whimpering]
What am I supposed to do?
I mean, seriously, if I went at this point,
it would just upset everyone, and I have to finish my book,
and I'm just trying to get it all done, and it's, like...
[scoffs] Don't... don't give me that look.
[whimpers]
Lick your balls or something.
[cell phone vibrating, ringing]
_
Hello. Hi. Is everything okay?
Charlie's cup for baseball?
He has a cup.
Okay, listen, I'm so sorry, but I am crazed.
No, I'm on deadline.
He needs it now, or he comes home?
Okay, um...
I...
I will get there with a cup before practice.
All right, bye.
[barking]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Hey.
Hey, this sack of potatoes is looking for his wife.
Screw me in the eyeball. Are you frickin' kidding me?
- He says he owns the place. - Did he?
Did he also tell you he's Pope Francis?
Baby bird, I knew we'd find you.
It's Jo. Frumpkis, come on.
- You've got to get it together. - Oh, I love you, sunshine.
It's Jo. She left you.
She left you, and so help me God,
if you do anything to hurt our child,
I will rip your liver out with my...
Hey, hey, okay, okay, Sid and Nancy...
With my bare frickin' hands.
Someone needs to pay me his $300 bar tab,
or I'm calling the cops.
[cash register opens]
Put the... put the pastry down.
- What? - Put it down.
Put the pastry down.
- Come on... - When are you gonna...
You're defiling my creations.
Stop getting trashed and eating like the mom
from "Gilbert Grape"?
I got this. I'm gonna take him home.
- I'll get the van. - No, no, no, you stay here.
I've got this. I've got this.
Jo, we've handled him like this before.
Scott, my daughter's supposed to have dinner
with this human garbage can tonight.
I've got to clean him up, I've got to put him to bed,
and I have to come up with some kind of lie
as to why her father's MIA.
So excuse me for not wanting to hang out right now.
- Jo. - You are giving me whiplash.
A week ago, you go out of your way to be a dick.
You practically rip my head off earlier,
and now you're playing Mr. Concern, man?
- Just let me... - Really?
We're out of here. Come on.
Get up. I need you to get up, please.
I own this place.
- Hey. - Hey.
I thought you were packing up your office.
Yeah, I have decided to let my assistant just handle it all.
- Piece of cake. - Oh, mama, it ended that badly?
Let's talk about today!
Okay, let's.
What kind of movies are we watching for our sleepover?
Are they shameless?
Uh, I have pretty much every Renée Zellweger romantic comedy
from 1996...
- Yes! - To 2004.
Oh, I so miss her old face.
Oh, my God, she was so good. God, what a tragic thing.
Um, Phoebe, can I talk to you?
- Um, yeah. - Hey.
- Hey.
[whispering] What's up?
[whispering] Landlord's being a jerk.
I tried to explain to him that I wanted out of my lease early,
and he kicked me out today.
- Oh, my God, what an ass-head. - I know.
I know that it's bad timing, with the wedding.
- You know, I can always go... - No, no.
You are... you are staying here.
Okay, what about...
- [normal voice] Let me handle that. - Okay.
So... [chuckles]
JD needs a place to crash for a bit,
so he's gonna be here tonight,
but I promise you he will not be in our way.
Wow.
I thought you guys were done. Now he's moving in.
[chuckles] Yes, it is a story...
[both laugh]
- For another time. - [cell phone chimes]
Today's about vous.
- I'm gonna go for a run. - Okay, you go.
Get that run on.
_
[sighs]
♪ ♪
- [cell phone ringing] - [sighs]
Katherine, hey.
How's my favorite writer?
- You almost done? - So close.
Just a few last-minute edits,
and then I'm gonna send it to you right away.
Good God, where are you?
- [laughing] Okay. - What are you doing?
Buying a penis cup, jock strap.
Uh...
I have to call you back.
[indistinct chatter]
When can we meet Dr. Harris?
Very soon, ladies. Very soon.
How did he finish his book so fast?
Do you know him?
No.
No, he's just always, you know, in some random country...
screwing some random woman.
I'm just wondering how he finished his book that quickly.
Oh, my God. I know you. Are you...
You were his girlfriend.
Uh, no. That is somebody else.
[women chattering excitedly]
Okay, bye.
- [trolley bell dinging] - Aaah! Whoa!
- I got you. - Ow! Ow.
I just Google-imaged them. It is her.
It's totally Dr. Harris's ex... The older one, Abby McCarthy!
Get in there, and I'll get your picture with her.
Oh, my gosh.
I know I had it 'cause I put it in here.
Can't find your ticket, it's 24 bucks.
- What's the holdup? - [horn honks]
- You're holding up the line. - I-I-I hear you.
- I'm just trying to find this. - [horn honks]
So is this gonna be cash or credit?
Seriously? This is what the world has come to now?
You make one mistake,
and suddenly you're a terrible person who needs to be punished.
- All right. [chuckles] - Lady, let's go!
Can I please just get one pass, one pass?
I don't even want to be here. I have work.
So is this gonna be cash or credit?
[horns blaring]
[inhales deeply] I will no longer be punished!
Anymore!
You can... you can take your trolley,
and you can take your ticket,
and you can shove it up your ass!
Hey! Hey! Oh!
- Hey. - Hmm?
Is Delia still on the phone with the wedding planner?
- Yeah. - [whispering] Yeah?
- Why? - Okay.
I'm... I'm worried about Abby.
She's supposed to be taking care of herself,
but Barbara said she saw her, and she looks like hell,
and she's not responding to my calls,
and I think that maybe you should try.
Do you know who you're talking to?
She's been screening my calls since the '90s.
[groans] She was just so awful to Delia.
- Awful. - [normal voice] The worst.
This is not Abby. What is going on with her?
I was afraid this was gonna happen.
- I've seen this before. - What?
She gets self-destructive. She pushes people away.
She's bullheaded. You know that about her.
And I already picked Frumpkis off the floor earlier today.
Mm-hmm.
My back hurts.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, okay. If we don't hear from her tomorrow...
Okay.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[all yelling]
- We're gonna party! - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Before dick games and bad romantic comedies,
I just have one...
request.
- Uh-oh. - Huh? Bam.
- ♪ What about your friends? ♪ - [gasps] Whoo-hoo!
♪ Will they stand their ground? ♪
♪ Will they let you down again? ♪
- Whoo! - Yeah!
♪ What about your friends? ♪
- ♪ Are they gonna be low-down? ♪ - _
- ♪ Will they ever be around? ♪ - _
♪ Will they stand their ground? ♪
Whoo!
♪ Will they let you down again? ♪
♪ Whoa-oh ♪
♪ What about your friends? ♪
- ♪ What about your friends? ♪ - _
♪ Are they gonna be low-down? ♪
- [laughs] - ♪ Will they ever be around? ♪
- ♪ Be around ♪ - Yeah!
♪ What about your friends? ♪
Frumpkis, he's, like...
His drama's this vacuum that sucks you in.
How was I married to him for so long?
I think what you did was very brave.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Most women would've hung their douche-bag ex out to dry.
Zooey is very lucky to have you.
Thanks for letting her stay over, honey.
I couldn't have her at his place tonight.
I've got to keep her out of his mess as long as I can.
You know, you cannot keep doing this forever.
- Mm. - You do realize that, right?
I can if I can get him to clean the hell up.
Like that ever worked for you in the past...
Waiting for him to clean up.
Got to be a first, right?
[laughs]
Oh, God, sorry. Uh, no peeking.
I, uh... I left my phone.
Uh...
found it!
Okay, bye! Sorry!
[laughs]
What was Rain Man going on about?
- Hey. - I think he's living here now.
What? Why?
- Mm-mm. - I thought you were done.
Because I like him a lot.
Oh, Phoebes, come on.
He's got the social skills of a coco banana slug.
You seriously need to stop it.
I-I like him.
I actually more than like him,
so I need you to cut him some slack.
Phoebes, take a beat.
You took his virginity, like, a minute ago.
Clearly your vagina's made of leprechaun gold,
because the boy is sprung.
Well, maybe you like having the upper hand
because all the guys you've been dating lately...
Are assholes. I know.
This is not a reaction, and I don't feel obligated.
This is the first time someone has actually made me feel smart
and funny and needed,
and I know JD and I have not been together for a long time,
but... I feel closer to him than I've ever felt
to any man.
So back off, both of you,
because he's not going anywhere.
The claws come out. I like it.
You should suck on candy dicks more often.
Look, if you like him and he makes you happy,
then we love him.
Absolutely.
[cell phone beeps]
[cell phone clicking]
[cell phone rings]
[gasps] Oh, my God, it's Abby.
Oh, my God.
Finally. I knew she would.
I know. I knew she would too.
Of course.
Okay. "I'm sorry.
I wish you lots of happiness. I really do."
Aww.
She's still writing.
[phone clicking]
That's it?
Really?
D, she kind of said she was sorry.
All those things that she said at the bachelorette party...
Very insensitive.
Yeah, well, did she mean them?
Because two people that I'm close to this week
said the same thing to me...
"Don't marry Gordon."
Hey, D, Albert is obsessed with you.
And Abby's not herself right now.
I'm getting married tomorrow,
and all I can hear is them in my head.
Their doubt.
Hey, the way you look at him...
- Mm-hmm. - Mm.
You two are so... in love.
Yeah.
Trust that.
It'd be disgusting if I didn't like you so much.
[sighs]
Okay, enough romantic comedies.
I need to get my "Mr. Robot" on.
- Oh, God, yes. - Ooh.
Let's do it. Come on.
[pensive music]
♪ ♪
Uh...
[groans] God.
This is done. I got this.
Oh, hello, Kat.
- Say hello to my big book. - _
♪ I got you in your sleep ♪
"Send." Oh. [chuckles]
♪ Now don't go walking away ♪
Done.
♪ You're asking me to lead ♪
♪ I'm waiting for someone to tell me what to say ♪
[grunting]
♪ ♪
- [Alarm] - What is happening?
Well, for one thing,
this blanket hog has a really big day ahead of her.
Delia!
The blanket hog needs another hour.
No, rise and shine. It is 7:30.
[cell phone vibrating, ringing]
Oh, God.
[cell phone continues vibrating, ringing]
[dog barking]
Why do I have so many work emails?
Doesn't everybody know I'm getting married today?
- Do you? - [line trilling]
- What? - Where's the excitement?
Yeah, I know we're not ritually cleansing you, but...
The next time you see Gordon, you're gonna be married to him.
That's crazy. Honestly, that's crazy.
Okay, we need a game plan. Who's showering in what order?
I'm gonna take one at my place when I drop Zooey off,
but first I've got... I've got to run over to Rize Bakery
and just check on the wedding orders
and make sure that they're good to do.
Um, all right, well, the glam squad's gonna meet us
at the mansion in a little bit.
- Delia, your massage... - Skip it.
- No time. - Why?
I forgot. I have a quick errand I need to run.
- You need your massage. - It's important.
I'll meet you guys there.
- Okay. - Sorry. Top-secret bride stuff.
All right, sweetie.
See you!
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[gasps] Working?
On your very own wedding day?
[gasps]
What are you doing here?
Reminding you to take a break and enjoy this momentous day.
Delia, isn't it, like, bad luck or something?
No, no, no.
Only if you see me in my wedding dress.
Anyway...
do you really want to send emails all morning?
I mean, I know that... That you're not superstitious
or anything...
This is the happiest day of my life.
I wanted to see you.
[laughing]
I don't understand how you're so calm about this, frankly.
Oh, everything's fine, Zooey.
You just got to let your mom take care of...
How are you gonna take care of Charlene leaving Dad?
What? Why do you think that...
Because he's been drinking and forgetting stuff
and disappearing.
And, oh, yeah, Charlene's gone, and so is my tennis instructor.
Everyone at the club knows.
Well, that makes sense.
I'm worried he's gonna hurt himself.
You know what happens if he doesn't have someone to...
Suck the essence out of?
Look, I love your abnormally large heart,
but... I've been through this many times.
Your dad...
it's like the "Circle of Life"
with barbiturates instead of lions.
Why are you making jokes about this?
I'm not finding any of this funny.
Okay, listen, listen,
I am not gonna let him fall apart, okay?
How?
If we abandon him, then he's just gonna keep...
He's gonna get help this time. I will make sure of it.
I promise you no one is abandoning your father...
even though he makes it so tempting.
- You mean it? - Yes.
He can even stay with us for a while if that's what it takes.
But listen, kid, you've got to stop worrying.
That's my job.
Okay.
- Okay? - Thank you.
Now go help Scott load everything up.
Okay.
Hey. Are those ready for the van?
- I got them. Thanks. - No, I'll take them.
- It's cool. - Okay.
Thanks, Zooey.
Everything's in order?
Yeah.
- You all right? - Oh, yeah.
Couldn't be better.
Can I give the two of you a lift?
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Thank, but, no, thanks.
The wonders of modern technology called Uber.
I guess I'll see you at the ceremony, then.
See you.
♪ ♪
- Still no answer? - Nope.
- Nothing? - No.
I come bearing extra calories.
Babs.
Everything okay?
Bride still on her mystery errand?
Yep.
But Abby... bad news.
You got a hold of her? What the hell's going on?
No, we didn't get a hold of her.
[groans] Show her.
So yesterday the "Habby" hashtag lit up.
- Oh. - Here's why.
Oh, this doesn't look good.
Oh, my God, is she at The Grove?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
She's in really big trouble, isn't she?
"Dr. Harris dumped the train wreck.
Never understood the appeal."
"Damaged goods didn't seem like his type."
[gasps]
Breakups are bad enough without 1,000 people
screaming that you're a... "Dumpster whore."
- This shit is rough. - Dumpster whore?
Yeah, if I'm Abby, I'm staying far away
from technology right now.
Or digging a hole to quietly die in.
- Yeah. - Okay, I am officially worried.
Guys...
she lives, like, ten minutes from here.
Why don't we just go over there?
- Let's go. - Let's go.
Yeah, let's go.
I'm sorry. Don't we have a wedding to get ready for?
We have a wedding to save.
Okay, I don't know how many goddamn Kate Hudson movies
you watched last night,
but folks don't actually run around
saving weddings and magically getting people back together.
Not with that attitude, they don't.
- Vamos. - Come on.
[claps hands]
Well, that was probably for the best.
[laughs]
Probably.
At any point of the day, if you get stressed,
at least you can say, "I had amazing sex with"...
My wife.
'Cause you'll be my wife by then.
[James Bay's "Let it Go"]
- [sighs] - How's it feel?
Like, finally.
♪ Why don't you be you... ♪
Tomorrow we can just wake up and...
have our lives together.
I know that some part of you has always dreamed
about this day.
♪ Let the ashes fall ♪
I mean, you are still a woman.
♪ Forget about me ♪
Uh, shouldn't you go?
Aren't you gonna be late, uh, for our wedding?
♪ Just let it be ♪
- I'll see you on the aisle. - Okay.
♪ Why don't you be you ♪
[shower knob squeaks, water running]
♪ And I'll be me? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And I'll be me ♪
♪ ♪
You feeling nimble?
Huh?
Get out of here. That's a tiny window.
You're a tiny person.
I'm a biter too.
[groans]
The door is locked, and she's still not answering her phone.
[sighs]
- What? - We've got a lead.
No, I am not missing Delia's wedding
because I got arrested for breaking and entering.
And I'm not missing Delia's wedding
because Abby got dumped and downed a bottle of pills.
It's not usually how she handles things. Just saying.
- I'm gonna keep calling. - [line trilling]
[playful music]
Sometimes you got to be a hero.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[thud]
[crashing]
[dog barking]
[pensive music]
♪ ♪
[all yelling]
Oh, naked!
So you have a major book deadline.
Yes, but in that there is victory.
I sent it in.
- Yeah. - That's great.
- Yeah. - Really?
I just had all these plates up in the air,
and then I was like, "You know what?
"The book's in good shape,
and this is an impossible amount of plates, so done."
- That's the spirit, baby. - Yeah.
I just can't keep worrying about every little thing, you know?
I'm gonna give myself a heart attack.
[groans]
Honestly, I feel like
I am cracking up a little bit...
like the survey says.
Abby, I think you're a little hard on yourself.
And you're always asking... for more
when you should be asking for help.
And that is a very unhelpful defense mechanism.
And I think you... are especially hard on yourself
when you think something is your fault.
Oh. Uh-huh.
No.
No. No, no, no Delia talk right now.
This is not a good time.
Abby, I know you're probably blaming yourself.
Well, it's my fault. [chuckles]
I just don't have the bandwidth to deal with it at the moment.
Will you tomorrow, when you wake up and you realize
that you skipped out on your friend's wedding?
I didn't skip out. I was uninvited.
Mm. That sounds like an excuse to me.
Okay, uh, this has been
a very productive rescue mission.
Clearly I'm not dead, so...
Great. Just skip it. Skip the wedding.
I mean, this will all blow over, and in a few years,
you'll probably forget there was ever a fight.
But I know you,
and you will always regret
not being there for a friend.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Hurry up, you're already committed.
[gasps] Oh, my God.
And you guys thought I wasn't gonna make it.
Where have you been?
Well, we had our own wedding-related errands to run.
Hi, Delia.
Hi, Abby.
It's time to get dressed.
Okay, well, I have a wedding dress to put on, so...
[door closes]
Well, that was chilly, but it could've been worse.
Are my nipples showing?
Um, I'm gonna go get dressed too.
Okay.
- Hi. - [gasps]
Whoa!
Boners for Algernon.
JD.
Am I wearing it right?
Um, you are wearing it exactly right.
How you doing, babe?
I'm very excellent, actually.
I really like painting at your house.
You get... very good light, like you.
Oh. [chuckles]
I'm sorry. Who is that?
Phoebe's new dude.
How's my blushing?
♪ You lift my heart up ♪
- [sighs] - Aww.
Oh, my God.
I'd marry you.
Okay. Let's get this show on the road.
♪ You enchant me ♪
♪ Even when you're not around ♪
- Hi. - Hello. Right there.
Thank you.
♪ ♪
♪ I'm latching on to you ♪
Don't worry. I found the bar.
The bridal party is assembling for the portraits.
Mm. Well, shit, I'll go join them.
♪ You ♪
[camera shutter clicking]
- [door opens] - Hey.
You guys talk yet?
[camera shutter clicks]
Jesus Christ, you two.
Would you rather take care of this at the altar?
[sighs] Delia...
I feel like an idiot.
I feel like a mean idiot, and I don't want to be mean,
much less to you, my friend,
who I-I adore and who is right.
I-I...
I freaked out on you because of my own shit.
And that is horrible on more levels than I can probably count
or... comprehend.
[sighs]
I just want you to be happy. I really do.
I really do, and what I said...
it came out wrong.
It just... but it came out of love, you know...
just a very, very, very dumb kind of love
and extremely poorly timed, apparently.
I'm so sorry.
Delia, I am so sorry.
[emotional music]
If you're finished with your portraits, ladies,
it's time to leave for the church.
I'm gonna grab another drink.
Great. I'm going to...
join you.
♪ ♪
Okay.
- Hi. - Hi.
Can I get one of those pre-reception cocktails, please?
- Quick. - You got it.
Thank you.
- Knocking them back, eh? - [groans]
You're not even the one getting married.
God, stop worrying about me.
Why can't I, huh? I don't mind.
Because I'm your boss. Remember?
Back when things were normal.
I don't want to go back to normal.
Ay, Dios. Make up your mind.
Look, I only agreed for things going back to the way they were
because I am a terrific coward.
I don't actually want that.
Besides, I don't think it can happen.
So I'll hire someone to manage you instead of me...
a great, big, non-seduceable dude
with no homosexual leanings.
Listen, will you just... I am trying to...
God, woman, you are difficult.
You just lock your jaws and won't let go.
And I'm helpless...
every time.
I am completely helpless against you, Jo.
The way we fight... God, it's exhausting
and hot and exhilarating and, frankly, weird,
but you know what?
I cannot imagine sparring
with anyone else ever.
Well, I'm sure there are plenty of ladies out there
- for you to sword-fight. - No, no, no.
See, now I believe that all of those were just replacements
for you, Josephine.
They... those women, they were just one off and good-bye,
but you, I...
I can't stop thinking about you.
I wake up, and I cannot stop imagining
how we might be together.
I am... God help me...
I am in love with you.
[light instrumental music]
♪ ♪
[whispering] You're insane, you know that?
Not... significantly more than you are.
♪ ♪
Hmm.
Hmm, okay.
Well...
♪ ♪
Weddings tend to make people... lose their minds,
and that's why the alcohol's free, so...
go at it.
And to have and to hold
from this day forward.
For better... for better... For better or for...
Is it time to go?
It's time to go to the church, you guys.
You've got a few minutes.
This came via messenger.
Today?
Okay, thank you.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[cell phone vibrating]
♪ ♪
- Sorry. I have to take this. - Okay.
Hey, Kat.
Um, now's not a very good time, but I...
It must be. This book is gibberish.
What do you mean it's gibberish?
You loved the first chapters that I sent you.
Yeah. Yeah. What did you do with those?
'Cause now they're as riveting as reading the instructions
on my universal remote.
I-I just tweaked them.
I-I certainly didn't turn them into gibberish.
Listen, you need to get your shit together.
Just tell me what meds you need
and how long you need when you can get me a do-over.
A do-over? A do-over?
The whole book?
How am I supposed to get a whole do-over?
I mean, how...
Really?
It is that bad?
I mean, it's, like,
the whole thing, a lost cause?
Abby, it's a total disaster.
[door opens]
Sorry. This is a private area.
Excuse us for a moment.
[chuckles]
[door closes]
I received an envelope...
with photos...
You and Albert.
You looked like you were having fun.
It wasn't fun. It was ugly and desperate.
It was. I know it was. I saw that.
What I didn't know was that my future wife
was so ugly and desperate.
Gordon, I've been terrified...
You've been terrified?
Of what?
What have you been terrified of?
[sighs]
Having a husband that adores you?
Someone that would give you anything that you wanted?
Gordon, this whole time all I've wanted is you!
No, it looks like you wanted your boss!
No, I didn't! I didn't!
I told myself I never wanted to get married,
and you and this big wedding and your big life...
I just felt like it was swallowing me whole.
Oh, so you spread your legs?
[sobbing]
Not the part of me that loves you,
just the ugly, desperate part.
- I'm so disgusted with myself. - You should be.
[sobbing]
I didn't think there was anything
that you could do, anything.
[sobbing]
And you have. You've done it.
You ruined it.
[breathing shakily] Oh, my...
Oh, God. We should, um...
[sniffles]
Tell someone so that everybody can go home.
That's what you want, right?
- How could you do this? - To call it off?
You wanted to humiliate me in front of 250 people?
No.
In front of my friends, my family?
Right, my friends.
My family!
Because you don't have either.
I should've been paying attention to that.
Gordon, I'm so sorry. I hate myself.
I don't want to hear your tears. Don't cry.
That doesn't help anything.
Crying isn't gonna get us out of this.
- Jesus. - [sobbing]
I got nothing. I can't come up with anything.
The only thing I can think of is going out and telling everybody
that the wedding is off because the bride is a whore.
[inhales sharply]
What do you think? You have any better ideas?
I'll do anything.
Please, just tell me what you want.
Please.
[organ music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
Looks like the WASP’s are getting restless.
- Where's our bride? - That is a very good question.
- Shouldn't we be starting now? - Yes.
♪ ♪
Come on, hurry up. We're already late.
Gordon, you can't be serious. I would never make you do this.
Too bad. I'm making you do it.
You are?
You said that you would do anything.
Now, you owe me at least that much.
Now, we are going downstairs,
and we are gonna walk down that aisle.
You are gonna pretend to be a perfectly respectable bride.
We are gonna put on a show.
[Pachelbel's "Canon in D" playing]
♪ ♪
[camera shutters clicking]
♪ ♪
["Come Undone" by Carina Round featuring Aidan Hawken]
♪ ♪
♪ Mine ♪
♪ Immaculate dream ♪
♪ Made breath and skin ♪
♪ I've been waiting for you ♪
I, Gordon, take thee, Delia,
to be my wife.
I, Delia, take thee, Gordon,
as my wedded husband.
Both: Until death do us part.
♪ Cannot forgive from falling apart ♪
♪ At the seams ♪
♪ Cannot believe you're taking my heart ♪
♪ To pieces ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Might take a little time ♪
♪ Might take a little crime ♪
♪ To come undone now ♪
♪ Cry ♪
♪ Who do you need ♪
♪ Who do you love ♪
[applause]
♪ When you come undone? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Who do you need ♪
♪ Who do you love ♪
♪ When you come undone? ♪
♪ ♪
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --